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Alice Hore

I was going to write a “the year that wasn’t” column, but I feel that’s been pretty well covered.

Instead, here are some other things I noticed this year.

Does anyone else find that people who don’t know you very well sometimes like to tell you things about yourself?

Here are some examples:

Them: “You love DIY.”

Me: “Nope, not really.”

Them: “But you love getting it all done.”

Me: “Well I’d be quite happy if someone else did it for me, but it’s not in the budget, so here I am with a paintbrush, a roller and a six-pack of beer.”

Although anything involving a sledgehammer I’m not mad on…

This is a classic:

Them: “You’ve lost weight.”

Me: “Nope, still a bit fat.”

This is followed up by …

Them: “But you do so much biking!”

Me: “Nope, not really – although I did bike to the pub a couple of weekends ago.”

Also, who cares!

People often tell me I’m a people person and an extrovert.

Don’t be so sure. Lockdown was a good time for me – I saw maybe 12 people in five weeks, and all from over the fence.

Ah, those were the days.

I’ve started to come up with answers that are almost as obnoxious as the questions and statements sent in my direction.

This next one seems to work well and also falls into the funny-because-it’s-true category.

I work in retail and quite often people ask: “Why are you so happy?”.

In reply, I say: “I’m not, it’s all the theatre and deep down I’m a surly b****”.

Also, it’s my job to be nice.

The one I’ve struck quite a bit in the past month is people asking how old my Great Dane is.

She’s 8 and in very good condition.

I tell them that, and in various ways they tell me she will probably die soon, because Great Danes don’t live much past that age.

So, I’m getting ready to experiment with my answers to these people.

“So, how old are you?”, I’ll ask.

“Oh, some people don’t live much past that age.”

My point is, don’t be telling people who they are – it’s annoying.

And if I tell you who you are, then you can tell me where to go!Sports ShoesNike Air Max 270